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Neil McFarlane (UK)

Neil McFarlane has been performing on the Scottish comedy circuit for four years, and people are now quite regularly paying him to do so. Otherwise he refuses to vacate the stage. Lately he's also been gigging in the north of England, inspiring widespread panic. He writes all his own stuff (as far as he knows), has never considered dyeing his hair or changing his name, and is still wondering what happened to Level 42.

Relentlessly and unspeakably middle class, Neil has given up claiming in his act that he comes from Glasgow because he actually comes from Bearsden, which is a posh suburb of that city and therefore doesn't count. He has a reasonable day job, comes from a very secure and stable background with a good education and a high standard of living, and his parents are both still alive and happily married - all of which, from the perspective of artistic integrity and creative angst, are matters of intense irritation to him.

Neil reached the Scottish semi-final of the BBC New Comedy Awards in 2001, so technically that means he's been on the telly (for the 7 people who had BBC THREE at the time). If you really want to stretch the point, he's also been on 15 to 1 twice, and has the dubious honour of being the only contestant in the show's history to have been told off by William G. Stewart for slouching. He has never had a review, and yet he suspects he is under surveillance...

Neil is available for support or compère work and has had all his jabs. Allow him to gently divert you from the horrific truth of your own existential plight, and to occasionally use the word 'seepage'.